BrainDead
Whe … Where am I ?… Wh … Why can’t I move?, Why can’t I open my eyes?, What’s this thing inside my mouth?…
My head hurts… What happened?
I can’t… remember… Did I?
Wait!... I think… Was I in an accident ?... Yes, It’s coming to me now…
But where am I now?
Damn !, no… I can’t move any part of my body… I can’t… I cant even lift my eyelids, I can’t see! And, my mouth, what is this…..?
Maybe… Is this a tube?
Well… I guess this must be a hospital, then… but… Come on! Somebody! I am awake now !, Can’t anyone see.
Of course they can’t… I can’t even move… how the hell are they going to know that I am awake? By the way… Is there anyone here?
I hear footsteps. Hey! Hello! Heeeeeeeey!
I don’t think it’s the tube… I should be able to make at least a sound… but nothing… I CAN’T MOVE
Wait!... they are talking:
- Mrs. Rubik
Emma… She’s here!
- I’m afraid we have bad news. Would you care to take a seat?
- No, tell me. Is there something wrong with my husband?
- Please, Mrs. Rubik.
- Ok, Ok… Now. Tell me!
Oh, God…Will I be paralyzed for life?
Come on, Doc, Tell her, already.
- Mrs. Rubik… I’m afraid that your husband presents no signs of brain activity
Come on !, I’m listening to you, dumbass , find a real doctor, for Christ’s sake… Baby… Don’t Cry, honey… He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
- But… But… But… Are you sure?
- We have done all we can for him, we think…
- I want a second opinion
That’s my baby!
- Of course, you are free to consult with anyone, but the results are conclusive… you should…
Son of a b** ch … Shut the hell up and let her prove you wrong, you as***le.
- Can I have a moment alone with him?
- Sure, ma’am
- Thank you
Come on, baby, don’t cry. We’ll get through this… Damn !, if only I could say something.
- What am I going to do without you? Why? Why ?, Why?
Don’t cry, baby. Don’t…
***
It’s been a while now… I still can hear her cry… more quietly now, but still… Ooooooh , God… Why can’t I tell her I’m OK? Just… Just… If I just were able to show her… somehow… in any way…
Hey !, Honey? Where are you going?
I still can’t see anything, but I don’t hear anyone here…
What do I do now? I can’t move, or talk… and I can’t seem to be able to fall asleep…
Feels like hours… maybe even days people has been coming in and out of the room… I can hear them, I even felt when they cleaned me and checked all these machines that are plugged in to me… I guess that’s what’s keeping me alive.
Emma has been here at all times… except for the moment when she went to find the other doctor… same results… Could it be true? But… I still feel… I hear… I was even able to see when they opened my eyes to check them with that little flashlight of them… I couldn’t focus, or look around in any way, but I’m sure I saw something.
They told her to consider unplugging me… Don’t do that, baby, I’m still here…
Why bother? She can’t hear me…
Oh .. those cries… she brakes my heart! I love you baby, I’m holding on… soon I’ll wake up… we’ll get back to our lives.
Steps again… who’s that?
- Emma?
I recognize that voice… Rick? Man, thanks for coming, helping her through this, as usual.
- Rick? Hi
- What are the doctors saying?
Stop crying, baby, please… Rick, come on !, do something!
- Well… they seem to agree that we should pull the plug… I can’t do that! I know he’s in there somewhere!
Pull the what??? NO! PLEASE! I’m still here! Don’t let them kill me!
- Is there any chance of recovery?
- They say that after brain death, there’s nothing else to do, but let him go… But… I… I’m not prepared… I… I can’t
Baby… I love you too… please don’t cry
- You know…? You know I’m here for you, if you need me.
- Thanks Rick
- Really… I mean… ANYTHING
Wait!
Wait a minute…
I hear the words he’s saying… and that’s what I expect from a friend, but… that tone… I don’t like that…
What’s that sound?
It sounded like a slap… YOU PIG!!! I AM RIGHT HERE!!!!
- Get Out Of here! I don’t want to hear from you anymore!
That’s my baby… Kick him out !... what kind of friends do I have? Please!
Rick, you moth***fu*** ng pig, never lay a hand on my wife again! I’m going to kill him as soon as I get out of this bed.
Oh, not again… she’s crying again…Baby !...
Maybe…
***
I heard the doctor some days ago… seems like I’ve been here for months now… before waking up… the nurses spoke to each other some time ago too… they were pretty sorry for Emma… seems she’s been here everyday since the accident…Poor thing… Maybe… maybe they should unplug me… I don’t want this life… I… I can’t let her waste her life on a vegetable… that’s all I am now… I mean… Since I woke up, about a week ago, I’ve been hearing her cry every single day… She’s been here all the time… and since before… I spent months unconscious… What can I do! I thought it was just a matter of days! But I’ve been here for months!
The days still passing by… one and another, and another… It’s been over a year already… she still comes everyday… talks to me…
And she refuses to let me go… Oh, baby, I’m sorry… I’m really sorry for all the things I did wrong… I’m sorry for all the times I got mad at you for stupid things… I’m sorry I never appreciated you more… I’ve always loved you… I wish I’d done more to show you… but I can’t now… All I can do is wish you let them put an end to this… so maybe… maybe you… soon, I hope… you can be happy…
- Dan?
She’s talking to me… Oh, baby… I wish I could answer you
- Dan ?.. Are you in there? Oh… I wish I could know what is happening in there. Are you coming back? Should I hold on? Do I let you go? WHAT? Why? Give me a sign, honey, please! I can’t… live… like this anymore.
Just go, baby… go on with your life… please… forget about me…
What’s happening? I feel… Woah !...
I can see !… I’m moving! Hey?
Ok… something’s wrong… I’m still on the bed! I can see me…She is sitting besides me, and I’m still on the bed… well, at least my body is…
Now… the machines are still keeping it alive…. If you can call that living… now… How do I do to kill it? To give her the chance to forget about me? Somehow…
Would I be able to touch her?
Damn! It breaks my heart… I’ve got to… Die! You god damn body! You vegetable! Die, so she can get the hell out of here!
I’ll try to get back in… I’ll…
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
(flatline)
Bye, baby… have a nice life… don’t mourn for me anymore… I’m… sorry.
1 comment:
nice blog.
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